By Robin Mullins Senger
Today I took my children to their first day of school. When I got home, the house seemed too quiet so I went for a bike ride. God, remind me who You are. Help me reconnect with you.
As I rode along, my thoughts went back to a time not too long ago when my life was shattered in a million pieces, with little hope of ever being put back together again. I was preparing to flee from my husband, but I had little hope that our future would be much better than what we were leaving. But I couldn’t stay either.
What was my life up to that point? I would describe myself as a cheerful middle class farm gal who on the outside appeared to be happy and doing just fine. But inside I felt lost. I just couldn’t find my way in life. I didn’t have a purpose. My meaning came from my ever close relationship to the Lord, and my beloved pets. I was happy in a sense, but I couldn’t figure out where I fit in life.
As the years went by, I was in and out of bad relationships. I couldn’t figure out how to get life right. I was a good girl who loved God, but me and this life just didn’t ever seem to fit together. I was a puzzle piece trying to find my fit in the wrong puzzle, and I couldn’t find the right puzzle no matter how hard I tried.
Much of my life I struggled with fitting in. I felt like a misfit in the Christmas story, and I couldn’t find my way to the island of misfit toys either. I put on a good outward appearance, but kept landing in bad situations with toxic people – I just couldn’t escape them. How come other people can get their lives so right, and I can’t? Why does everything have to be such a struggle? I always felt restless inside.
My last marriage completely broke me. And I’m grateful it did. I did successfully flee my husband, and my very scary future turned out to be a beautiful love story.
It took some time to heal from the trauma, but I now feel beautiful, valued and have meaning and purpose. I am making a difference in the world, and sometimes fill so full of thankfulness that I think I could burst from it.
Within the space of 2 years, I went from being a completely shattered single mom, to feeling fulfilled with a home and family that lives under a banner of peace and joy. Each year that passes brings more growth and goodness. I now abide under God’s blessing and favor. He makes life good!
Do you ever feel like I did? That you just can’t get your life together? Do you struggle with despair, hopelessness, fear, overwhelming financial obstacles, anger, carelessness, restlessness, no purpose, repeating bad relationship cycles, sexual issues, confusion, and sometimes feel there is no reason to keep going because your life is never going to get better?
My pastor told me recently, “You are a walking billboard of God’s grace.” And indeed I am. What He did for me, He will gladly do for you. This isn’t a ten step formula. My favorite phrase is “But God…” Your life may be headed for destruction, but God… God is going to lead you out.
Take this scripture verse, write it down, and think on it, thank God for it, mull it around inside:
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In ALL your ways, acknowledge Him, and He WILL MAKE your paths straight.
It’s time for YOUR path to straighten out. God is saying to you, It’s your turn. It’s your time. You don’t have to spend the rest of your life struggling to survive. There is an abundant life for you and for all who call on God and choose to follow His way of doing life.
Psalm 16:11 - You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.
2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.
Isaiah 48:17 - Thus says the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you to profit, Who leads you in the way you should go.